R U Looking?: A Guide to Navigating Gay Dating

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Press: iUniverse (March 4, 2013)
Author Name:Smith, Selrach


Gentlemen, does any of this sound familiar? You meet a great guy, go out on a great date - and then never hear from him again. 
You go out to a hot bar or nightclub, but you can't make a meaningful connection.
You do your best, but sometimes feel like you'


Gay & Lesbian,Parenting & Families,Nonfiction,LGBT Studies,Self-Help,Relationships,Interpersonal Relations

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Comment List (Total:4)

  •     My review of R U Looking? A Guide to Navigating Gay Dating, written by Selrach Smith. Selrach Smith does an excellent job creating a step by step guide to dating in the gay community. The book is filled with rich examples from Smith's personal experiences as well as an account of his friends' adventures. R U Looking? is a refreshing take on the dating scene in New York City with many advice and concepts that can be applied to any city, suburb or small town. The author is gay, but after reading this book, I feel anyone can relate to the many stories that are illustrated. It's always nice to read a book that is well rounded and can reach all types of people from all walks of life. Smith is extremely informative on the topic of dating, but knows how to insert humor to keep the reader hooked. This book can be labeled under the genre of gay relationships/memoir, but humor and comedy is meshed exquisitely throughout its contents. I really appreciated the use of pop culture that was trickled perfectly in the right places. Some of the statements spoke directly to me. For instance the few references of the Kardashians, I personally still don't know what the huge deal is with them. Making reference to The Nanny's character and how her appearance "screamed I'm available!", was one of my favorite quotes. Smith also does an elegant job of being able to switch the humor off and cover more serious issues as well. He was brave to tackle the online dating issues, but at the same time illustrating how useful of a tool it could be if utilized correctly. The seriousness of HIV/AIDs was covered and the promotion of safe sex was appropriately emphasized. One of the discussions that were interesting and informative was the masculinity issues among gay men. Smith had mentioned there is a need for gay men to appear "masculine" on their online profiles or even sounding masculine while talking in public. And when you finally meet this person they could be or most likely are the opposite. I never knew that this was an issue and it is extremely interesting to read why. Another interesting discussion was the whole role issue. There is a need to identify that in the beginning of a possible relationship to discover compatibility. Smith knows his stuff and wants to cut out any unnecessary time. There were times during the book I felt self-help was in play. Smith took the time and care to reach the reader by giving advice on attitude, finding your passions in life, adjusting professions to match your goals, self- confidence and searching for what you want in life. Even if I was not looking for advice on specifically dating, there is an education on the sense of self that was given as a gift from this book. The author has obviously poured his soul into this book with very few filters. If I had to state one criticism, maybe he could have used some filters for a couple of choice words. But that could also illustrate how honest and colorful of a writer Smith is. I am very happy I came across this book and would recommend it to anyone who is either getting into the dating scene, or just want to receive some common sense advice on life.Michelle Hunter
  •     I was intrigued by the extremity of accuracy! A must read for the gay single male! Looking forward to more from this author!
  •     It was an easy and enjoyable read, but the only thing it was useful for was to trigger the same discomfort that actual dating does. Smiths advice does not seem to survive age 40 or the NYC or SFCA scene.
  •     Dating guidebooks are often rather superficial and chatty, and the books specifically for homosexual men often fall into the trap of being downright silly, queeny and girlish. To put it bluntly, this book doesn't feel like being written for men (or by a man). I was actually a little bit shocked that the author was successful in the US army. He goes on and on in his teenage girly talk about calling yourself "a hot bitch" and supposedly living only in the gay scene and how to "cruise" there. Again I was very happy not being a part of this scene after reading this book. There are some minor good points here and there, but they are buried beneath layers of immature chatter about his "Dark Periods" (you're out of poppers?) etc. This is not a book for same-sex attracted men who are living decent, regular, even masculine (!) lifestyles and don't mindlessly run with the LGBT or XYZ or ABDCDEFG whatever crowd in pink bandwaggons. Avoid.

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